Schools finally over for the semester, finally got a chance to work on my traditional animation again. 

It's a trip. Initially I had wanted to animate myself in my animation with the dancing girl. But I find myself not wanting to because the separation between fantasy and reality. Even this, as a fantasy, is now fake for me. If I animate myself in it now because the final project is due in 2 weeks, it'll only be for that purpose. What I'll be animating I'll know isn't what's really in my head.

my mind keeps going different directions with this

Definitely feeling weird and crazy, but not in a bad way. Experiencing the good side of mental illness. Earlier I heard my inner monologue speaking to me from a styrofoam head sitting in my kitchen. But I liked what it was saying. Even now my mind or soul or whatever it is keeps escaping my surroundings, my reality. This shitty desert with its shitty stickers and cactuses everywhere. I'm running through the woods, but not out of fear or in a panic. Instead I'm carelessly full of joy and laughter, running through trees on dark soil and grass. I love the fact that I can escape the awful things about my surroundings into my imagination. Almost like my mental illness is advantageous at times

Finding myself so inspired right now. So much I want to share yet no one in real life to share it with. Why must America be so thoroughly rotten to it's core that my going sober, doing better for myself, etc, lead to me being so isolated and alone? How is there nobody out there who also doesn't drink or do drugs

36th frame done. Going to shoot on twos tomorrow. Deadline is tomorrow night for this to be submitted for a scholarship. I've still got so much more to do for my final project. Lost so much time today having to work on this RV. Over 9 hours wasted that could've been producing art. Hopefully this animation gets into the Spring show and somehow leads to money. I've always been screwed and ripped off when it comes to my art. So many cheapskates and thieves. Ironic because America sucks so bad I've never made a career from my art when in a better society I easily could and should have at least 2 decades ago. Instead the gallery owner that sold all my art never paid me a cent. 

35th frame. Rather annoying how this took all day because I stayed in this RV with one tiny lamp. Apparently there's an energy that's so supportive at my Christian friend's house it causes me to be far more productive with my art with less effort. Man, to have a big home and loving family, how much greater my life would be. If I were there I could even reshoot this tonight, yet I can't really do it here because none of the lights work, and I only have one uncovered lamp as a light source. Plus it's rather cold in this RV. Going to need skirting and the like.