I think I may be in a mental illness episode. The general attitude of people seems to be that I can just will it away, just choose to not be crazy. This never seems to work. I scheduled a call from human services through their website so I can finally get help, but it was supposed to happen 46 minutes ago. Last time they actually called, but never even bothered speaking during the call. I could even hear them breathing and shuffling papers. This makes no sense. Why wouldn't they help me get treatment for my mental illness? Why would the government want to make my mental illness worse, by depriving me of help, rather than better?
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Posted by GabeMondragon - October 13th, 2020
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This darkness that's pulling me into it isn't bad. It's not pain and suffering. Inside it is a world free of pain and suffering, where everything is pleasure and nothing hurts. If anything it's the only thing that cares about me and is trying to protect me from this hurtful and painful world. It's been doing that my whole life, since childhood. It's been with me, and no human has, throughout my whole life. Even now I am all alone without help or care, except for this imaginary thing. Is it a monster, a demon, or is it an angel? I do not know. All I know is it's the only thing holding me and trying to take the pain away
I feel like laying down and resting, but I feel like this would be succumbing to the darkness. I might fight and continue working on my animation. Although rest could help with that as well
hey, I know I won't be all that helpful, but send me a message if you wanna talk to someone.
Thanks, I greatly appreciate it! I don't think it would help, I'm going to focus on drawing and let everything else not matter and melt away into nothingness for awhile. Maybe later :)
Scratch that on animating this delusion. A professor just emailed me about my current animation, loves it but says it's a bit short and wants more. Going to fight through the mental shit and keep drawing.
@nixnoux @GabeMondragon ha, so we both know it wont help. but yea, a stray foe to talk to is sometimes a bit better than talking to yourself or a friend. regardless, art is assistful. best of luck
GabeMondragon
It feel like there's this seductive shadowy darkness, like a living black liquid, that's creeping up behind me, touching me, running it's hands along my neck, chest, and body, kissing my neck, my back, my shoulders, trying to pull me into it and away from reality. Perhaps it's time I began animating my delusions and hallucinations, starting with this one. I was going to wait until I was further along with school, and had more money to actually do my own website, and had formed actual bonds with humans who were actually capable and reliable enough to help me set up the website the way I wanted, but this darkness seducing me and pulling me into it is pulling my mind away from reality. This is something I experience often, my grasp on reality, what I can see, hear, touch and smell, slipping away. Like this world on the other side of my imagination is crossing the boundary between dreams and reality, and pulling me into the other world, where the world of imagination is real, and this one is the Illusion