Slipping into another episode. Naturally the master and senior student are completely oblivious to it, just write it off to tiredness or not being mindful, as the senior student condescendingly put it, very smug and pompous. But that's one of the appeals of moving in here is it'll make me stronger. I'm now under the impression they like insulting me, that a huge part of my tutelage here will be them trying to break down my ego. They insult me and are rude to me, whereas I have been neither to them, at least not intentionally. But this is a good exercise in stoicism. No matter how much they insult, demean and degrade me, I must not let it get under my skin. I'm under the impression they see the world a certain way, and are so deeply entrenched in this perspective they view different perspectives and opinions as lowly. One aspect this manifested in today was noticeable in my cognitive process: the senior student has been telling me often that I talk too much, rather rudely. He'll often interrupt me as I'm talking, never allowing me to finish my point. Derailing my train of thought. Today the master gave each of us a section and wanted us to individually answer each section. I was struggling just to listen. But the turn before mine went on and he looked at me and said "sorry that went on a long time, I didn't mean to cut into your time to talk." To which the senior student scoffed and laughed smugly and condescending. I responded no problem, but because my brain was slipping into episode, I struggled to answer the question or find words when it came to my turn. I tried my best, and they insulted it, cut me off, and gave the answer. Which was for the best. Then it came time to chant and I didn't want to be in the room, let alone chant. I didn't want to raise my voice at all given that I was mocked and insulted for speaking. But I forced myself to get over it, embrace their insults, and chant with them anyhow. So while I'm in episode, I get insulted instead of helped. It's preparing me for the real world I suppose. It would be so much nicer if they actually understood what it's like to have my condition and go through what I go through, but they'd probably just see that as weakness and insult me more.